Microsoft Jokes

jahlives

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Vielleicht alt, aber gut
Patron: Waiter!
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support. What seems to be the problem?
Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.
Patron: No, it's still there.
Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup. Try eating it with a fork instead.
Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.
Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl. What kind of bowl are you using?
Patron: A SOUP bowl!
Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem. How was the bowl set up?
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer. What has that to do with the fly in my soup?!
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?
Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day??
Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.
Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?
Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.
Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late now.
[waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check]
Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.
Patron: This is potato soup.
Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.
Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.
[waiter leaves.]
Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!
The check:
Soup of the Day . . . . . . . $5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . $2.50
Access to support . . . . . . $1.00

Customer: "I installed Windows 98 on my computer, and it doesn't work."
Tech Support: "Ok, what happens when you turn on your computer?"
Customer: "Boy, are you listening? I said it doesn't work."
Tech Support: "Well, what happens when you TRY to turn it on?"
Customer: "Look, I'm not a computer person. Talk regular English, not this computer talk, ok?"
Tech Support: "Ok, let's assume your computer is turned off, and you just sat down in front of it, and want to use it. What do you do?"
Customer: "Don't talk like I'm stupid, boy. I turn it on."
Tech Support: "And then what happens?"
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "Does anything appear on your monitor? I mean, the TV part."
Customer: "The same thing I saw last time I tried."
Tech Support: "And that is what?"
Customer: "Are you sure you know what you're doing?"
Tech Support: "Yes, sir. What is on your screen?"
Customer: "A bunch of little pictures."
Tech Support: "Ok, in the upper left corner, do you see 'My Computer'."
Customer: "No, all I see is that little red circle thing with the chunk out of it."
Tech Support: "You mean an apple?"
Customer: "I guess it kind of looks like an apple."

Hard Disk Women:
She remember Everything ,FOREVER
Ram Women:
She forgets about you,the moment you turn her off.
Windows Women:
Everyone know’s that she can’t do a thing right,but no one can live without her.
Excel Women:
She can do lot of thing,But you mostly use her for your basic needs.
ScreenSaver Women:
She is good for nothing but atleast she is fun.
Internet Women:
Difficult to access.
Server Women:
Always Busy When you need her.
Multimedia women:
She makes horrible things looks beatiful.
CDROM Women:
She is always faster and faster
Email Women:
Every ten things she says,eight are nonsense.
Virus Women: Also known as WIFE.When you are not expecting her ,she comes install herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her, you will lose something.If you dont try to uninstall her,you will lose everthing.
 

coolhot

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Thanks, very funny.
 

Matthieu

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Q: What is the difference between a Mac User and a Terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Q: What do Mac Users use for birth control?
A: Their personalities!


What did the Mac hater say when he saw several hundered Macintoshes buried half-way in cement?
Geez, I hope that guy's off getting some more cement...



What's a sure-fire way to piss off the new neighbors?
Eject a floppy from a Mac 1,000 times. ZZerzzit! Zzerzzzit! Zzzerzzzit!...



Why don't more Mac users get depressed about owning a Mac and commit suicide?
They don't know how shitty their machine is, because they still haven't figured out how to turn it ON.



How many Mac users does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to consult the manual that came with it, one to call tech-support, and two to sit and wait for the 'Smiley Face' to appear and say 'Welcome to Macintosh'.





MfG Matthieu
 

jahlives

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Das Bildchen ist einfach geil :D
 
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